UNHURT LOCKERS


I don't know why December brings in hand always sorrowful moments..
Smell of Death..
There near the corner, death waits to take away a life..
Painful truth.. 
In front of me, I have seen candles and prayers from genuine people. There i hold a sorrow in December that i have seen a Death, cold blooded,  right in front of me...

I can feel feel the smell of cruel death like a shadow waiting to attack near the corridors of life. In Hospital rooms, in intensive care units and in unknown strange places..

I know December has many sorrows to hold and i have learned to 
live in hurt lockers with an unhurt feeling..

Along with December i started hating the one who played from behind in masks to give me endless worries.  It is not my fault that i hate the one who stung me from behind that he left nothing in front of me to think that he is a human.. I have seen people trying to justify him and fabricating stories to make me as a culprit. That is not new i know it happens in every walk of life.

It is true that my tormentor tried to silence me with beautiful flowers and scented forwards..It is my mistake that i thought it first as genuine concern but later i have seen his true revenge shades when i stopped believing his diplomatic tactics and tricks... He can be cruel but cannot expect me to change to endorse his cruelty.

Ink marks too provoked me to hate him more on colours and captions.  I don't know whether i can call him as a human. Truth is that people around never allowed me to forgive or forget him. People around and ink dots supplemented enough raw materials for me to hate him to hell. No body in  life caused  me so much of mental disturbance. He wasted his entire life's valuable treasures by disturbing me to death. He spread his mind's most uncivilized elements to attack me. It hurts me when i think about the past that i could not avoid it . ..

In colours and in philosophical  quotes ink marks assisted me  to hate him more and at the end i reached to a conclusion that i need to only hate such a person who gifted me a life time of mental trauma..

I don't know what ink marks gained out of this provocative deal. Even i don't know whether it is again a trick of my tormentor. Gradually from one camp to the other it all ended up in front of me as  a superficial comic show.. I have learned to consider all it as a  time based comedy.. 

To be honest, the only feeling left in me now is that i should have been a little more careful in not falling in his hidden traps.. That hurts me more than the fake flowers and honey tasting forwards  he sent me to silence me. I should have been a little more careful that he would not have tried to stamp me with his cunning tricks.. That feeling hurts me more than his comic show offs.. 

I have not given up my cause. I don't wish to act in front of the people to get mileage like many others do..
I am not in competition with comic 'show offs.' 
It is fun to watch that the more i make a remark on the funny show offs i end up seeing more comic shows.. 

Someone struggles near me to prove and please every second person with a selfish interest in mind. I don't think i can act to that level..

There is a helplessness in me that i cannot stop my tormentors that they are more cruel than i thought of them and that helplessness drives me to hit at my tormentor in the most cruel way that he should also understand the pain of being hurt. I know their cruelty will continue because their happiness lies in that. I feel sorry for them that they do not know that i get angry only  on their low thinking. They have created a petty competitive atmosphere in their narrowness by praising some people whom i think i need to climb down several steps  to  compete with.

A few get this happiness that i am  alone.. A few think that i fight expecting their support..
For them i need to answer that i am not here to beg for any mercy.
I hate the one who messed up my life and did experiments on my heartbeats....

I know if i thrash him to his level also he will not take back the sting he has gifted me as the token of his great fake love.. I hate him for that.. and i know i am going to hate him for that for my lifetime.

I have grown from my initial childlike foolish beliefs that no human will hurt another in that way.. I have grown beyond my beliefs in six years that i know now the world can be even more cruel.. 

Let me ask one question to the ones who speak of civilization 
You stung me from behind in masks and you did not have heart;
You were not civilized in your mind either..... 
How can you expect me to have a heart when you don't have one..

Let December move away in realistic words.. The most realistic belief that i want to write in my mind is that i will not fall again on the shadows of a  sting coated  love. I have grown for my own good in my own beliefs..

Let me conclude for December
 
I see my reflection
in my eyes..
i see my world
tilted like the axis
of earth
i see my reflection
in my own fingers
fighting a world
which waits for my tears..
I turn unhurt in hurt lockers.....