Thursday, May 9, 2013


In retreat center of life, Meera searched for peace..
She finds not an answer on why she receives a boxful of provocative treaties everyday from  the intruders of her inner peace..
Meera searched on the whole dictionary of her life to find an answer for why Gayatri has to come forward to clear the outsourced trials of obstacles on a regular basis.
Meera needs to come out of the trellis and she remembered the talks she heard in ancient school of wisdom..
Human beings in general take not the responsibility of their errors and it is true that Meera was blamed for the whole lot of things Meera not even knew..
Meera can visualize the frame on which her soul was fixed on nails. She pulled those nails so hard to set herself free and broke the frames but the nail marks on her soul still there causing pain ahead of the whole healers and herbs of this universe.

Gayatri knows that.
She wanted to tell Meera.
Meera your jewel box of peace is broken..

Charioteer of the kingdom was blind and invaded her land of earth and ransacked even the most finest element of her precious collections.

Gayatri thought for a while
Meera should have locked her heart chambers in lock and key.
Meera should not have talked to the strangers..
Meera should not have allowed anyone to cross over her.
Meera should not have allowed anyone to invade her territory.
Oh, yes.. Meera tried... tried too hard to stop them, to block them until she realized there no point in fighting with the giant shadows..
She walked back to her village home and behind her fell her crystal box  of sea shells and her dreams..
She heard the sound..
It was like a sound storm..
Meera couldn't re-align her broken shells....
Gayatri feels that Meera hides her inner self from the suffocating outer layers.  
What more one can do with the outsourced arrogance...

Meera cannot realign her broken sea shells
She has her own mind and heart to rearrange, forget dreams..
A lot unsettled, a lot not in place 
She fights against the alphabets of outsourced, overcrowded might..

A task.. Gayatri knows
There the landslide....
There Meera  finds her brass lamp stuck in slush..
She pulled it from the mud....
In school of ancient wisdom, the caretaker said 
'one needs to challenge the ego nestled inside the heart.'
Meera asked Gayatri..
Do i have an ego..
All got Meera, a few intelligently cover it on soft silks and a few chisel it on hard stones..
Both hurt..
Meera.. you don't have any ego..
you walked past.. walked past a million egos
and the one Meera you challenged last was the deadliest.
I think Meera you encounter not with egos anymore...
Meera knows the truth..
She is shaken from the roots
She is not the same Meera of ancient school of wisdom
She lost a belief and she reached to a destination that she is unable to do a retreat for that belief.
She is unable to do a therapy for that belief.
No healers, no herbs to rejuvenate  that belief..
Gayatri knows that too..
Meera struggles from her heartbeats to create an impression that everything is ok, fine.. and to certain extent  she manages to dodge even herself....
Gayatri and Meera walked..
Meera asked...
Gayatri, what is my score against egos of all levels..
Gayati said in a calm voice.......
In retreat centre Gayatri and Meera sat to listen the next session of talks on intellectual and spiritual wisdom..




Monday, May 6, 2013



He stung me, chased me, haunted me, sent beautiful poems, philosophical quotes and again haunted me and sledged me. At the end a few who  wanted to  gain, to  cut through his power stream  tell me that  he is a Prophet; prophet of love.. yes he is the clairvoyant of give and take pure - conditional modern love.
A matter of convenience...

Dare him you are finished..
Cheer him if you want international fame..

Oh no.. i can't do that
I cannot cheer him..
I cannot follow such a format
I cannot put my pure soul for auction.

He was doing mega shows  with a 'greed of the millennium' when  i was struggling to find out the hidden face of the one who haunted me for life.

I cannot trade my heartbeats by cheering the flesh-sledge, lust-sledge-,kamaraj sledge -aids virus sledge, snake-sledge, peacock-sledge clairvoyant  give and take lover .
I cannot understand the theory of slapping an ordinary person for misbehavior and hugging a man who installs sting lens on   women's bed rooms and gives kamaraj kind of sledges.
If i decide to hit i hit both or ignore both but not hug one for money/fame and hit the other to do a show off...

Yes i dared..
Not to do any show but to tell him that if he is misunderstood  it was his duty to understand first before venturing into revenge and kamaraj- crow- peacock -snake sledges. When i called her as a laundery object a swindler he could not take it . According to his standards i should call that desert greed a worm but he expects that his greed to be called as  a flower.  May be a worm on a flower i can tell  him if i follow strictly his sledge patters..
God has given him power and he misused it do all mean activities and that is the reason he suffered. He never learned from that but again did the same mean action when score settlers offered him a helping hand.

He even gone to the extent of telling me in one mask that he would sell my pictures that he hacked as a prophet of holy love. After doing all that also his greed should not be called any names. If he compares the weight of his ruthless sledges and my retaliations his would be like a mountain and mine would scale only a feather's weight.

He was showing off only to prove to his social - society magazine sort of friends how efficiently he  can sting and hack a person hiding his face in masks. When things turned bad he moved to the next avenue and sadly he brought a greed from a desert to show that it is easy to change love with the help of society sort of writers. He thinks intelligently piercing a knife from  behind hiding all wickedness in mask is culture and if we question him openly it  is a wicked act.   

Yes i dared
with the full knowledge that if i fight against meanness i end up with heartbreaks. There was a spark in me ignited by a supreme vision and that kept on telling me that i need to surrender only to true compassion, true kindness not to show off meanness.

Yes i dared with the full knowledge that he  got a support system and i know all the politicians of India got their own unique wicked support system .. His supporters claim that i should forgive and forget the misunderstandings..Their theory is that when i tried to clear the misunderstanding it was pictured as a game and i learned that their intention was to make me feel low and the people asked me to forget and forgive but followed not that in real terms. It was their war game plan to make others get victimized on their wicked-cruel games.

Yes , with certain understandings he sledged but his understanding was too limited for the truth and he never cared what damage it can cause to the other human being..

His supporters keep advising why to fight with power, go along with the stream and  grab whatever possible like the desert greed did...

I cannot forge a wrong signature to cut across..
A failure.. may be....  'lost crap'- a person with no sophistication and culture said in white collar- as if he is a great success..a great achiever.. yes he is an achiever, prophet of a low end revenge show...

All success he waived down for his too simple but heavy ego. Of course he proved.. 
Anyway time sprinkled fragrance to  his ego.. great deal..

One thing i learned is that from  100 Crores and a few more of Indian Population  that group wanted to challenge only me..
Interesting......a kind of dead amusement..
In parked theories of undying enthusiasm i survived but at the end there a numbness grows all around me. 
I understood the folly of fighting with my challengers that i realized at the end  they continue with their colour splash and serial episodes of crap and gossip which as per their theory only a few are entitled to practice.. 

I have started praying to God that they should get at east a few more people from 100 Crores to challenge that my soul can walk free on the most refined raindrops of eastern monsoon..

I have not enjoyed the challenges,  i got drained off and a soft, sweet feeling of my heart i lost and i cannot stop myself at times  from cursing the one who ruined my inner peace in a mission that even god would have shocked to watch in his lifetime. Thankfully  he shielded me as i was alone and the attackers were equipped with barracks and battalions..

 I watch shows, browse channels, watch movies and there in me  this unique numbness,  'nothing can affect me ' feeling i find. 

A few got gift packets and laurels for giving me mental torture....
One spy woman got a chance to act in one commercial as the mother of a fashion model.. 
Sadly that spy woman's husband, a drunkard died of a heart attack.. spy woman does not care as far as she gets a few commercials and a few drinks in her aerobic parties..
Why should i remember such humans otherwise too she does not inspire me..She gives me a low feeling about her that how she can spy another lady right under the watchful eyes of a supreme god.  

One Pedestrian writer got laurels for provoking me.. He got a wider coverage in national and international newspapers.. God watched his intentional time bound provocations  in surprise and laughed at him. Once i thought he is someone who can inspire but after his low end double games to cut across substandard fame made not even look at his writings again.  He too does not inspire me anymore. A person in revenge mood can cause even more mental agony and provoke i understood. One thing i know he put his own image down in revenge uniform. It is at that time i learned even the enlightened ones walk from extra ordinary thinking to the ordinary mind frame.

I could not control my  bewilderment at the people who struggled to hurt me intentionally.. God was speaking to me in my dreams and he agreed with a fact that in general a particular someone wanted to do a hard core revenge on me. I was shocked initially at the massive revenge campaigns but learned later that is the style of the people assume themselves as enlightened. Later the shape and mood of the campaign changed and on the whole i turned numb after seeing the same episodes again and again..

God must have wondered at the love-forgive claims of all these provocative artists, spies and hard core revenge doers. People who spread genuine love harm not anyone, tried to finish off anyone. Almighty has given me a beautiful vision to understand the truth in its real form by ripping apart the masks of conditional compassion and  revenge doers got not anything but an average platform to showcase  their time bound average skills. Almighty watches their flesh-lust sick to the core campaigns and understands how mean the minds of this kind of revenge seekers who spreads only love claims not genuine love.. Anyway for getting  power in hand and to cover the blunders it is good an idea to immortalize love if that adds a few advantage points for the score settlers even there no greatness one can add in score settling shows.i know they can only fool people not god. It is true as far as i know god watches all revenge seekers, score settlers and even me. It is not that he watched Pandavas in Vanaprastha of   fourteen years. Revenge seekers for sure settle scores cunningly and say- look god helped, like the wrong chess sakuni played for Duryodhan..  

I wonder at times why and how i got dragged in such a situation and i know i will not get an answer even when i search in a half million years. With all the refined thinking i hold, unknowingly my heartbeats curse the one who caused me a life time struggle. I know that will continue until a day i forget even the last traces of the struggle and pain i faced encountering the wildest of wild. I cannot take it in mind that people do exist in this world who sting others from behind. Why can't they sting-trials on their own siblings first and hire  crap- gossip- pedestrian spy  specialists to write about them for life..

I know it will not end anywhere.. 
Sting bee left only a cursing pain and numbness in my heartbeats..
I have read the review of a book 'My Beautiful Broken Shell' by Carol Hamblet Adams. Broken Pieces of Indian Ocean Shells i got in my collections.. Sea fascinates me. Let me forget the pains of a sting bee..Never in my life i thought i need to encounter with a sting bee, never thought my passion of poetry be named as a game by the sledge mafia. Never thought masks would follow my footsteps.

It is better to have  few broken shells  than to have a  costly comfort earned surrendering all goodness...

In my memory line let my dreams flow like an ocean
Let my dreams be like beautiful butterflies..

He says even today... float not like a butterfly but sting like a bee
God.. he can only sting from behind.. ...
Let my dreams not have the roaving eys of a  sting bee..
Let my dreams  float like beautiful flowers
Beyond skies, beyond horizon
Beyond all borders..


Friday, May 3, 2013


Heaven offered me a cedar leaf to write..
On edited versions of life i could not find a reason that what makes a few to hound my soul even today..

From my stung heartbeats i know there nothing left to write or manipulate and i think it is a past time hobby for a few to do experiment on my soul even after many seasons of rains and autumns...

I remember the philosophical quote of Albert Einstein in one railway booking counter. 
`World is not destroyed by those who do evil but from the those who watch it without doing anything'..
I feel world is destroyed on bias and prejudice of humans. Where from the borders of countries to the thinking patterns, people add a lot juicy bias so that it ruthlessly help them to come up in life..

Oh, it is true i need to love all,  forgive all that i need to have large heart to bear all the hurt..I think my Heart has transformed into a large one with all the intentional hurt and my heartbeats are refined in such a way that each hurt turns as a poetic element at the end..

In refineries i store my memories..
Cancelled Subscriptions
Edited Superscripts
Broken pieces of sting arrows
Poems Read
Lost beliefs
Sea Shells of Indian Ocean
Lost fragments

When i walk past the refinery of memories i know how hard one can turn in life..
It is like chasing Mavericks, the toughest waves of life..       

I opened my god gifted ceder leaf.. 
With a curious mind i searched for Devadharu-Ceder...
I browsed through the world search to find: 
Cedar trees are large, evergreen trees of the family Cupressaceae. Cedar trees will usually grow to a height of up to fifty feet, but others can reach one hundred or more feet in height. Cedar trees are common in forest areas that have a good deal of annual rainfall. They prefer moist soil with limestone beneath it. The wood of cedar trees has a very pleasant smell. This is from natural oils in the wood..
My heartbeats have moved away from the world and in branches of my thoughts i made my heart to expand to fill all  pains, sorrows, happiness and there i formed a neutral boundary for me to think and write about my dreams..
I walked past waves,
Like an ocean i flow,
in leaves of olive
i grow
and above all
i float in earthen form
in my own heart..

Friday, April 12, 2013



In my dreams i wrote a million worlds ..
I walked around the sea shores of Indian Ocean..
and stars watched me from the skies and whispered
Yes.. we are here and take enough light..
Delighted i started writing a million more words...

From a distant land, from  terrains i heard shadows whispering . They spoke to me like  stars but squeezed out the sparklers of my bright eyes and walked back leaving my lamps to die a death without any light..
I was taken aback..but  never gave up that i did not want  my dreams to die a death in  cold morgues ..
Let me polish my lamps and fill oil 
I told to myself and when i spoke i heard a parallel voice from the street across ....
Cats were not my friends but one fat writer with permed funny hair all around her face, the one who looked like abloated potato tried to exaggerate a story because of her  ignorance and wrote about cats as if her face got bloated up in one cat fight.. 
Seriously i dislike people like that..Not honest...Not sincere..
In my beliefs a writer should not sell in that way to please a lobby. A writer should be honest to his/her soul.. 
To please someone this bloated one wants to speak about cat as if writing like that way she achieves some greatness. People who created cat calls and crows talks from talks about tolerance and many qualities a human should possess..
In my dreams i know how a writer should be..
a writer should be like a beautiful poem...
I screamed at a few hypocrites because they tried to write like the ones who try to please the underworld..
My inner self  warned me several times and the god from the temple of my origin, in dreams told me first to stop fighting but when things turned in a way that the offenders acting as innocent show case charmers and the my inner soul was brutely wounded my god  stepped down from his sanctum and said.. FIRE..
Fire what??
the ignorance of the literate..
Yes... he said...
Do that to hold your dreams for sure otherwise they ransack your dreams to dust and walk away as if nothing happened.
I did... 
Not alone.. there from the mystical fragrance of sandalwood i felt a hand extending great support and in Kurukshetra i stood alone without having any battalion and i never counted numbers..
From the face masks i have learned a lesson that wearing a mask got its own advantages and disadvantageous..You tried to fool me in one mask and i stopped believing you when your mask fell and i gifted one to Gayatri  to wear it when the invaders exceeded their limit..

I wrote back to the ones who tried to disfigure my earthen boundaries...In limitless ocean shores i walked  to find a way to escape and in my escape routs i found my dreams.. poems. Humans dismantled my earthen frames, tried to slice my soul, auctioned, wrote stories as if it is their ultimate right. I held my dream so tight, so close that i drown not in the spins of a river. Even on the blanket of hard feelings i wrote.I learned at the end that my dreams are like poems i cannot detach me.. I have turned more strong not to run back from the ones who wanted to hurt me..      

Saturn shedding tears in cosmic paths but  i take in hand pure earthen raindrops.. more like me.....